


I am a stranger here myself

by Lightlylightly



Category: Wentworth - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 16:16:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18237263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lightlylightly/pseuds/Lightlylightly
Summary: Bea's crush on Allie gets more unmanageable.Title is a song from 'One Touch of Venus' the musical.





	I am a stranger here myself

**Author's Note:**

> One-shot. Probably. I went to a coffee shop to wroite a chapter of one of my two other stories but this came instead. I hope you like it. I may write another part or parts. 
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts.

It’s nearing the end of winter when they meet. 

 

Not that seasons change much of anything at Wentworth. It’s all the same beads strung on the same fucking ugly necklace. But Bea remembers, nonetheless. Allie was memorable when she first came to see them in H1, if only for her unintentional audacity. All burnished blonde plait and blue, blue eyes, saying that Kaz wanted to see her. As if that was how things worked. 

She was pretty, too. 

Bea remembers she noted that, even then. With all her top dog armour on.

In the days immediately following Allie’s introduction, she’s noticed Allie’s watchfulness. You didn’t have to be Sherlock fucking Holmes to spot the way Allie’s eyes trailed Bea everywhere she went. Hell, she didn’t even try to hide it, all smirks and knowing glances. Like she was laughing at Bea. Plotting something.

At first, ever the Top Dog, Bea intuited it only as a threat. She felt it on the back of her neck the way she did all imminent danger.

She remembers the moment when she decided to act. She was sat in the courtyard rubbing her hands over the scars that her clothing hid. She felt watched and when she looked up, Allie was staring. Not for the first time.

Allie was one of Kaz’s minions, and clearly she was out to get Bea. Same old shit in a prettier package. Bea made a note to assert her authority and squash the threat the next time Allie’s watchfulness reared it’s (admittedly pretty) head. 

It didn’t take long. Bea caught Allie staring (again) as she was showering and confronted her. Did her job, and tried to cut her down to size. It didn’t work, because Allie emerged, one side of her face bleeding from the impact of the wall that Bea had slammed her into, and, well-

Bea still doesn’t entirely understand how the person kneeling, blood oozing from a cut next to her eye was the clear winner in that situation.

But Allie clearly was. Bea the supposed warrior retreated, red-faced and jelly-legged, uttering “what the fuck?” And blinking in shock. Realising, suddenly that Allie was probably not out to get her.

Not in that way, anyway.

It didn’t come as a relief that Allie wasn’t trying to kill her. Though she did her best not to give it headroom, She noticed she no longer felt Allie’s watchfulness solely on the back of her neck.  
Awareness still prickled there, but she felt it lower now, too.

And then Maxine points out Allie’s bemusing crush. Hints that she use Allie to her advantage. It jump-starts something in Bea. Suddenly she’s far too keen to cut to the front of the phone line and summon Allie to join her..

She calls Allie over, moving closer to her and rubbing a piece of the pretty blonde’s hair between thumb and finger. She drinks in the way Allie looks at her for hours after; her evident surprise at Bea’s attentions, her delighted-but-trying-to-play-it-cool reaction. Bea hates how much she likes it when Allie fails gorgeously to be cool, with her awkward right’o (who the fuck even says that?) and her, appealing, frozen-faced delight. It evens the playing field, makes Bea feel attractive and admired 

And ridiculous.

It distracts her from things - the loathing she feels for herself and the scars she can’t help but inflict in a desperate attempt for relief. She tells herself she’s using Allie as an ‘in’ to Kaz’s crew but she knows in her heart of hearts that she’s not playing at liking Allie. 

When she cuts Allie’s hair it feels different in a shocking way. For her whole professional life shes been cutting hair. But suddenly the scissors feel awkward and too-big in her hands, her breathing too loud, the chemicals too strong-smelling and her hands big and clumsy. Allie’s hair far too damn soft, her head warm and her back strangely beautiful. 

Bea wonders almost constantly if she has touched Allie’s head too much and twitches when Allie lets out a beautiful sigh. Though she tries not to, she finds herself stroking at Allie’s hair unnecessarily under the guise of planning her cut. When Allie lets out a another beautiful sigh as Bea strokes the downy hair at her nape before combing it, she lets her hand spend longer on it than she should. She simply can't help it. She’s proud of the finished product, and though she refuses to tell herself straight-up, she knows in a bone-deep way that Allie looks radiant with the haircut.

But Allie always did look beautiful. That thought circles threateningly in Bea’s head and keeps coming even when she chases it away with all her will. So she decides to limit her contact with Allie. She’s the top dog, and it’s not worth the risk to Allie.

(The risk to Bea’s own racing heart)

When the freak emerges, kindling faith with Kaz and whispering manipulations it only cements Bea’s decision. At least it does in theory. But Bea keeps coming back to find Allie. She cant help herself.

 

They get stuck next to each other in the slot. And she goes from having this vague, unspecified and really stupid crush on Allie to knowing the painful details of her life and liking her even more. Allie talks and a whole, beautiful, fractured person emerges. A loyal friend and amazing storyteller. A rapper who makes Bea laugh more than she ever has.

She learns that Allie was the kid whose parents were homophobes and bigots and threw her out in her early teens. That she resorted to selling herself because her older girlfriend who rescued her from the streets guilted her into it, and then drugs to cope with the beatings, the cold, and her then-girlfriend’s calculated indifference.

Bea finds she tells Allie a small, sacred sliver of a story about Debbie and although she’s wiping away tears as she laughs, it feels like such a relief to talk about her daughter. To be reminded how funny and joyful her Debbie was. To have Allie know that part of her precious, lost little girl.

Allie asks for more of Debbie - to know everything. She asks with such beautiful openness that Bea’s closest, sweetest and most precious stories come spilling out. Afterward, Bea sits in her room and stares at her picture of Debbie and cries her heart out, and she feels better, more whole than she has in ages. She finds that she cannot stop thinking about Allie

She finds she doesn't want to. But she fights it. Bea if nothing if not stubborn.

It gets worse when Allie overhears Boomer bemoaning the loss of conjugal visits and offers some advice. All Bea can think of for hours after is Allie’s face, smooth, sensual voice and generally fever-inducing presence describe in lurid detail exactly how Boomer could get herself off.

Later, when Allie finds her to apologise, she means to brush it off. To belittle the affect of Allie’s words, But sitting at the table, looking into Allie’s eyes, she finds that when Allie’s hand stretches out to stroke the side of her face, she craves what Allie describes. 

For hours after, she feels the warmth of Allie’s hand stroking her face, touching her hair. She feels freaking lit by it.

She decides (again) very late one night as she lies in bed, that she’s done with this shit. it’s stupid that she’s even thinking about it and she isn’t going to anymore. It continues though. Sneaking in, uninvited and following her through every single moment at Wentworth. 

Or maybe that’s just Allies’s ever-watchful eyes.

It terrifies her - feels much more of a threat than if Allie had been trying to kill her. And in a strange way she yearns for the simplicity of people just trying to off her. 

Rather than get off with her.

She hates it, feels physically sick in the moments she’s around Allie.

And sapped of energy and hope when Allie isn’t there.


End file.
